Movie Review: Bullet Train

 

Well, by now you've probably read more than one dismissive review of Brad Pitt's new movie, Bullet Train. In fact, if you read the Guardian you'll have read two reviews - both scoring it an identical 2/5 stars.

And golly - aren't some people a bit grumpy? Now - straight up - this movie is blood, blood, more blood. Then some blood. All on a train. The end. 

But, oddly, this doesn't make it an un-fun movie. There are laughs along the way (I saw it at a preview so the cinema was almost full - and people other than me did, indeed, laugh), and visually (apart from all the blood, or perhaps because of it) it's pretty slick. Brad Pitt is also immensely likeable (although somewhat hapless) as Ladybug, an assassin who's re-entering the game with a simple snatch & grab job. He's plagued by what he perceives as bad luck and has drunk way too much self-help Kool-Aid (with the help of a therapist).

Ladybug is supposed to hop on the eponymous Bullet Train, nick a silver suitcase with a train sticker on the handle, and then hop off.

Unfortunately, the train he hops on is full of assassins, all with various axes to grind and with varying degrees of both competence and malice.

People die (or do they?) and the story keeps you on your toes with flashbacks and new characters popping up throughout. Fortunately, the story, while twisty-turny, is well enough explained that you don't get lost. It also means I'm going to avoid plot here for risk of spoilers.

The main characters are well developed so, even though they're mostly deeply unpleasant people (probably a common problem for assassins) you do feel for most of them. Not all. And some redeem themselves. Sort of.

Don't go into this film expecting a cinematic masterpiece that is going to make you think and re-evaluate your life choices. But - it's a film about assassins on a train, you were never going to do this, right?

DO GO: if you feel like an engaging, slightly silly film.

AVOID: if you don't like gore and there's an argument that some is gratuitous.

CLASSIFICATION: In Australia the MA15+ rating is spot on - don't take your 10 year old.

RATING: 3/5 happy faces.

(I saw this movie thanks to tickets I won to a preview screening. Thanks to Pedestrian for the competition).